everything’s been thick and slow like molasses, like walking up a desert dune, a little slide back with every step forward. my longing for the sun, for things growing, for where-i-am to where-i-want-to-be in an impatient instant – it’s been so strong that instead of motivating and inspiring, it’s been paralyzing me. so many things i want to do, so many dreams to pursue – instead i shut down and do nothing at all. waste time and pretend it’s what i really wanted. feels like cheating at solitaire. letting myself down.
(sometimes it just seems so hopelessly far from here to there.)
but i am determined. break on through to the other side. the last few days, i’ve sensed a turning, an end to the inertia. sun through the kitchen window in the morning. asphalt’s bare in patches, here and there it’s even dry. and on the whimbroidery, a lemony butterfly has appeared, after days of nothing.